Sunday, 15 April 2012
Hello Lovelies!!
I know I've neglected you recently and it irritates me! Life just gets in the way sometimes. but anyway I have stuff to write and some much needed time out!! So bring on the writing.
I think I haven't properly written since my nan passed away- I guess its something everyone goes through in life where that immense grief just takes over and your creative juices just stops. But I'm trying my best to get on with it and write. She wouldn't like to see me struggle. So recently I've been racking my brain with the stories my granddad used to tell his kids and us grand-kids when we were little, perched on top of 'his' chair and lap all those years ago. When I was a child I reverentially believed that he went to Africa and fought with a tiger and found a possessed glove come to kill him in the night.
This feeling of immense adoration and respect is what I want to catch in short stories for children.
Its not what I usually write in but as they are stories passed down through the generations I think I can make it happen. So look out for that in the near future!
And I shall dedicate it to these lovely people!
On to another less sad point, things are a bit up in the air for us at the moment. We have a flat lease coming up in may, both of us don't want to be where we are now,were both so trapped in our jobs and we want out, but if we still want to live independently together without parents and all that comes with it then we have to make money some how! That's life unfortunately, you cant get what you want at the click of a finger, or straight away when you graduate, or when you wish for it. you've go to make things happen, you've got to work 9-5 at a shitty, life less, mind numbing, soul sucking job to achieve what you want.
Its complete shit but we want to live in a flat together some how, and the way to do that is get temporary jobs that has nothing to do with what we actually want to do.
I want to move to Cardiff or London now, I don't want to be in Carmarthen any more, even though its a great place there's just no jobs at all!!! whether there's jobs over there...well that's another thing up in the air as everywhere and everyone is struggling for jobs right now in this current climate.
Were lucky in the fact that we do have jobs to keep our independence and our gorgeous flat that I would be sad to leave.I just want to be earning more so that we can live more not just work, I don't want to be those people that constantly work and have nothing to say that they have actually done anything in their lives.
Everything is so up in the air at the moment its ridiculous!
Well thanks for reading! You never know I might post again soon!!
^.^
Tuesday, 6 September 2011
Taid's Stories
Prologue
The sun sprinkled its glorious rays onto the pure welsh land, promising a day of magnificent sunshine. On a normal day this would be a blessing for the land and the people, on a normal day they would complain about the heat or pack the family up in the car to go to the beach, but today wasn’t a normal day. Today was a sad day. The sun seemed to be mocking the sadness, echoes of ‘How can there be sunshine when our world is missing a beautiful songbird?’ drifted from family member to family member.
The Jones family were in mourning. Today they had to say their final goodbye. Today had a strict routine and that’s all Caradog could think about. He blocked anything else out, it was the only way he would be able to cope. Today he could make her proud. He made sure that everyone was dressed smartly and presentably, he made sure everyone had tissues and was ready for the day, he stopped his little sister from breaking down in a heap of tears, and he made sure Eluned stayed by him holding tightly to his hand…
They all congregated at the small church, each holding their breaths, desperately wanting to just crawl into a hole where no one would be able to see their sufferings. They got through it somehow, clinging on their happy memories…so many to choose from; the strength of family pulling them through the dark river of grief.
When the ceremony ended, the family members were bombarded by ‘our condolences’ and ‘so sorry for your loss’ from complete strangers and long lost family members. This was the hard part. The staying strong for the family, keeping a straight face, striving to find the names of people in amongst the chaos of his dulled mind. Caradog couldn’t take it anymore.
He found a small bench a small way from the patch of disarrayed family members. He sat feet apart with his elbows resting on his knees, hands cradling his heavy head. He sat for a while in that same position. Not really thinking. Just being. He looked up and surveyed his family; all of them together in the same place at the same time. He couldn’t even remember the last time they were all in the same place. She would be smiling right now; he could see her face and hear her laugh. A small smile escaped his lips…the first time he had smiled in weeks…funny that.
His eyes ended up following a white butterfly that must have taken a fancy to the beautiful flowers laid out on the grass. Then he noticed another…then another. Two more appeared out of nowhere and joined the previous two. For some reason he took comfort from those tiny pure white insects, fluttering by with no care in the world.
A little voice came from nowhere beside him, detaching his eyes away from the dance of the butterflies. A tiny hand made its way onto his. Eluned…
Eluned had made her way to him with her little brother in the push chair. She looked at him with sad eyes; he couldn’t bear to see such sadness in such a small child.
“Daddy?” Gethins voice whispered from the push chair “Why is everyone so sad?”
The sun sprinkled its glorious rays onto the pure welsh land, promising a day of magnificent sunshine. On a normal day this would be a blessing for the land and the people, on a normal day they would complain about the heat or pack the family up in the car to go to the beach, but today wasn’t a normal day. Today was a sad day. The sun seemed to be mocking the sadness, echoes of ‘How can there be sunshine when our world is missing a beautiful songbird?’ drifted from family member to family member.
The Jones family were in mourning. Today they had to say their final goodbye. Today had a strict routine and that’s all Caradog could think about. He blocked anything else out, it was the only way he would be able to cope. Today he could make her proud. He made sure that everyone was dressed smartly and presentably, he made sure everyone had tissues and was ready for the day, he stopped his little sister from breaking down in a heap of tears, and he made sure Eluned stayed by him holding tightly to his hand…
They all congregated at the small church, each holding their breaths, desperately wanting to just crawl into a hole where no one would be able to see their sufferings. They got through it somehow, clinging on their happy memories…so many to choose from; the strength of family pulling them through the dark river of grief.
When the ceremony ended, the family members were bombarded by ‘our condolences’ and ‘so sorry for your loss’ from complete strangers and long lost family members. This was the hard part. The staying strong for the family, keeping a straight face, striving to find the names of people in amongst the chaos of his dulled mind. Caradog couldn’t take it anymore.
He found a small bench a small way from the patch of disarrayed family members. He sat feet apart with his elbows resting on his knees, hands cradling his heavy head. He sat for a while in that same position. Not really thinking. Just being. He looked up and surveyed his family; all of them together in the same place at the same time. He couldn’t even remember the last time they were all in the same place. She would be smiling right now; he could see her face and hear her laugh. A small smile escaped his lips…the first time he had smiled in weeks…funny that.
His eyes ended up following a white butterfly that must have taken a fancy to the beautiful flowers laid out on the grass. Then he noticed another…then another. Two more appeared out of nowhere and joined the previous two. For some reason he took comfort from those tiny pure white insects, fluttering by with no care in the world.
A little voice came from nowhere beside him, detaching his eyes away from the dance of the butterflies. A tiny hand made its way onto his. Eluned…
Eluned had made her way to him with her little brother in the push chair. She looked at him with sad eyes; he couldn’t bear to see such sadness in such a small child.
“Daddy?” Gethins voice whispered from the push chair “Why is everyone so sad?”
Wednesday, 25 May 2011
So yea...
Hey (if anybody really reads this!)
Wel im sorry i havent written in a while. and it has been a long while its just i have been so caught up in life and university that i couldnt just stop and write all those jumbling thoughts in my head.
So ive finished Uni now and weve got a flat and i have a job, in H Samuels wich is a surprise, and so now its life without uni. Its strange, ive been ill with the amount of stress ive been under what with getting jobs, getting a flat for me and Tom and finishing all the work ive had to do and then worring why ive been feeling sick, nauseous and dizzy with headaches and its because ive been under a lot of stress and my body just needed to have a rest.
People keep going on that i havent really done anything which annoys me because i have been doing so much these past few months and they arent in my body and mind that worries about everything, and i mean everything. everybody copes with stress diferently, just because it doesnt happen to you deosnt mean it doesnt happen to anybody.
So everything was looking up, we got a flat - got jobs - finished Uni - ready to graduate.
But i knew something bad would happen soon and it did.
My nain (nan, grandma whatever you call yours) is really really ill in hospital. shes had a brain hemorrage and i cant help but look up all i can on it but i dnt know enough yet to know what kind of one she had. shes under sadation right now aftre her surgery and shes been stable all night so shes getting another scan today to see how she is. its frustrating because it was so out of the blue and i live 4 hours away and mums telling me not to come up because id just be waiting around. i feel hopeless, but then again i would probably feel hopeless being there too. I can help but feel for taid and my mum. i dont know how to comfort them.
One of my fears is that nain would wake up and not know who everyone is and she hates hospitals anyway so she would be confused and i dont want to see that with nain. i mean you never really know how you deal with this kind of thing till it happens, and me being as nieve as i am i didnt think that this would happen to my nain. shes so strong and kind and wonderful, shes my nain. i wouldnt be able to cope with that.
All i can do is wait, keep positive and keep busy. I feel guilty though as weve just had the keys to our flat yesterday, so im excited about that so i feel guilty for feeling happy and trying not to think about it. im sure she wouldnt like me to do that though....she always wanted the best for me.
Caru chdi nain, Paid a dario mynd ok! fydda chdi yn ok!
Wel im sorry i havent written in a while. and it has been a long while its just i have been so caught up in life and university that i couldnt just stop and write all those jumbling thoughts in my head.
So ive finished Uni now and weve got a flat and i have a job, in H Samuels wich is a surprise, and so now its life without uni. Its strange, ive been ill with the amount of stress ive been under what with getting jobs, getting a flat for me and Tom and finishing all the work ive had to do and then worring why ive been feeling sick, nauseous and dizzy with headaches and its because ive been under a lot of stress and my body just needed to have a rest.
People keep going on that i havent really done anything which annoys me because i have been doing so much these past few months and they arent in my body and mind that worries about everything, and i mean everything. everybody copes with stress diferently, just because it doesnt happen to you deosnt mean it doesnt happen to anybody.
So everything was looking up, we got a flat - got jobs - finished Uni - ready to graduate.
But i knew something bad would happen soon and it did.
My nain (nan, grandma whatever you call yours) is really really ill in hospital. shes had a brain hemorrage and i cant help but look up all i can on it but i dnt know enough yet to know what kind of one she had. shes under sadation right now aftre her surgery and shes been stable all night so shes getting another scan today to see how she is. its frustrating because it was so out of the blue and i live 4 hours away and mums telling me not to come up because id just be waiting around. i feel hopeless, but then again i would probably feel hopeless being there too. I can help but feel for taid and my mum. i dont know how to comfort them.
One of my fears is that nain would wake up and not know who everyone is and she hates hospitals anyway so she would be confused and i dont want to see that with nain. i mean you never really know how you deal with this kind of thing till it happens, and me being as nieve as i am i didnt think that this would happen to my nain. shes so strong and kind and wonderful, shes my nain. i wouldnt be able to cope with that.
All i can do is wait, keep positive and keep busy. I feel guilty though as weve just had the keys to our flat yesterday, so im excited about that so i feel guilty for feeling happy and trying not to think about it. im sure she wouldnt like me to do that though....she always wanted the best for me.
Caru chdi nain, Paid a dario mynd ok! fydda chdi yn ok!
Sunday, 7 November 2010
long time no see!
hello!
I am sad and a little dissapointed to be honest with you. I shouldnt have gotten ahead of myself really but i really really wanted that job.
I didnt get the job in waterstones because there were other people who had more experience that they wanted out there. even though i said all the right things, i met the manager and made friends with the workers months before the interview and so i thought they would look past the havent worked before thing!
Why does everywhere do that? How can someone actually get that experience if no one would employ ones that havent worked before!?
Its not like ive tried! ive tried in so many places and they havent employed me because they cant be arsed to teach people. its seriously frustrating. Things were looking up, my dream was partly coming true when tom got the Game job and then i thought that i would get a job so then we would be able to afford to get the house we want after graduating.
But no of course i always screw things up, no matter how good of a person i am, no one wants to employ me. i have nothing to my name...
I wanted to have that chance to become an independant provider, to work to gather money so that me and Tom can properly start our lives together. i know that will happen anyways but i jsd want to be a part of something where i have the satisfaction when i buy things that i have earned it and that i am doing something with my life.
I want to be a publisher in the end, but i dont know if even thats possible....i dont want to be educated all day after Uni, i want to work and start off something new...i want to work and earn money so that me and Tom would live comfortably.
my certainty has gone out the window right now. i shouldnt have thought that things would actually go right for me.
I am just so grateful that i have my Thomas and at least i am loved and cared for, thats all that matters in the end.
I am sad and a little dissapointed to be honest with you. I shouldnt have gotten ahead of myself really but i really really wanted that job.
I didnt get the job in waterstones because there were other people who had more experience that they wanted out there. even though i said all the right things, i met the manager and made friends with the workers months before the interview and so i thought they would look past the havent worked before thing!
Why does everywhere do that? How can someone actually get that experience if no one would employ ones that havent worked before!?
Its not like ive tried! ive tried in so many places and they havent employed me because they cant be arsed to teach people. its seriously frustrating. Things were looking up, my dream was partly coming true when tom got the Game job and then i thought that i would get a job so then we would be able to afford to get the house we want after graduating.
But no of course i always screw things up, no matter how good of a person i am, no one wants to employ me. i have nothing to my name...
I wanted to have that chance to become an independant provider, to work to gather money so that me and Tom can properly start our lives together. i know that will happen anyways but i jsd want to be a part of something where i have the satisfaction when i buy things that i have earned it and that i am doing something with my life.
I want to be a publisher in the end, but i dont know if even thats possible....i dont want to be educated all day after Uni, i want to work and start off something new...i want to work and earn money so that me and Tom would live comfortably.
my certainty has gone out the window right now. i shouldnt have thought that things would actually go right for me.
I am just so grateful that i have my Thomas and at least i am loved and cared for, thats all that matters in the end.
Wednesday, 1 September 2010
OMG new hair!!
Ive come to the land of short hair!! this is the sortest i have had my hair since i was about 6, i am now 20!!! aAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! frik 20......
PANDA!!!!!
PANDA!!!!!
tra la la la la
Hai bloggers!!
How u doooooin? - Joey from friends style! lols
So yes its been a pretty busy few days. today was the first day in a while that i was able to just relax in the flat doing absolutely nothing at all!
My day consisted of food, snuggle on the sofa with my boyfriend and a sausage sandwich watching The mentalist, played on God of war 1 on the PS2 for a few frustrating hours, had a bath....and that's about it i think!
It was great!
I know i know it was sunny outside and blah blah blah but i had been out in the sunshine, i done my bit of catching the UV rays, today God rested (aka me!!).
So yeah on Saturday, Tags birthday eve i attempted to make a birthday cake for him before we had to go into Cardiff to have food before going to see SPAMALOT!!! i only had about 4 hours. Anyway to cut a long story short it was a disaster. well the cake just never stopped rising, i shouldve followed the recipe but no i thought i was being clever and i basically wasn't, i was silly. I am a dab hand in making cupcakes so i thought a cake is just a larger version of a cupcake isn't it?! ah well maybe next time.......
Anyway apparently the cake was nice, the icing made it i was assured ( i had literally smothered the cake in icing!!). if it tasted good and people are still alive then its all good! hehe
So because of my panic related disaster we wouldn't have had time to have baths and then go for food before the show so we decided to go for food afterwards.
Here is a picture of us all smarted up to go see Spamalot in the Millennium stadium, Cardiff:
And here is how close we were near the stage:
We were in the second row!!!! And oh my friggin GOD of all things bright and beautiful was it good, amazing, awesome, brilliant, spectacular and all other awesome words i cant come up with now because every time i speak of this show all the words in my head seem to disappear and silent awedness comes out.
It was definitely one of the most amazing thing i had ever seen in my short life! My face, hands and throat was hurting so much by the end of the night because of the laughter, cheers and clapping that happened in that two hours - finished so soon, i wanted to see it again instantly after it finished! i hope i do!
Then to capitalize on an already awesome night, we went to GBK (there are other restaurants but we chose this one) for a nice big burger and a glass of Rose for me!!!
Perfect!
In the morning Thomas regaled at his many many presents and his birthday cake before we met up with our friends in Cardiff for a spot of shopping and to go see SCOTT PILGRIM in the cinema- which was also the awesomeness of aw some! - and then we went to Wagamammas for some noodles before sitting on the sofa at home in pajamas with a few glasses of champagne! awesome day as well i think!
But no the festivities didn't end there! we went to Cardiff with Thomas' mum intending to go see Toy story 3 again but everyone else had the same idea on a bank holiday Monday so we ended up staying at the bay where there was a food festival going on - I got Chips on a stick!!!! it was awesome.....wish i had taken a pic though....
It was really good as there was all these different nationalities presenting their national dishes and they were all really nice, i didn't get to try the hog roast or the Ostrich burger though....
WASPS!!!!!! They were Everywhere that day! intending to kill me whilst i was having fun in the blazing sunshine revelling on chips on a stick (yes Chips on a stick!!!). Damn them! damn them all to heck!!
They caused me to have a pa nick attack and a mental breakdown at the place we were having food.....one minute i was staring intently at one irritating a guy at the other table and the next i was sobbing, snorting sobbing onto TAGs shoulder....i couldn't breathe and i was shaking so much. i felt ashamed and embarrassed and horrified at what i had just done. Frikin hate them!
Next day on our travells we met up with Big tom and HB Sauce in Cardiff for Sushi!! it was the first time me and Tag tried it, we don't particularly like fish, never mind the raw kind u see but we went to try. We mostly got noodles and chicken! but we did try a sushi with chicken in it, tag liked it better than i did but i liked it all the same. and i chose the pudding - it was colourful! but it was weird....say no more.....
And so now do u see why we needed a good day of just slobbering around doing nothing? we deserve it don't we??
Uni starts back in a few short weeks!!! YAY!! cant wait to decorate my room!
Loves =^.^=
How u doooooin? - Joey from friends style! lols
So yes its been a pretty busy few days. today was the first day in a while that i was able to just relax in the flat doing absolutely nothing at all!
My day consisted of food, snuggle on the sofa with my boyfriend and a sausage sandwich watching The mentalist, played on God of war 1 on the PS2 for a few frustrating hours, had a bath....and that's about it i think!
It was great!
I know i know it was sunny outside and blah blah blah but i had been out in the sunshine, i done my bit of catching the UV rays, today God rested (aka me!!).
So yeah on Saturday, Tags birthday eve i attempted to make a birthday cake for him before we had to go into Cardiff to have food before going to see SPAMALOT!!! i only had about 4 hours. Anyway to cut a long story short it was a disaster. well the cake just never stopped rising, i shouldve followed the recipe but no i thought i was being clever and i basically wasn't, i was silly. I am a dab hand in making cupcakes so i thought a cake is just a larger version of a cupcake isn't it?! ah well maybe next time.......
Anyway apparently the cake was nice, the icing made it i was assured ( i had literally smothered the cake in icing!!). if it tasted good and people are still alive then its all good! hehe
So because of my panic related disaster we wouldn't have had time to have baths and then go for food before the show so we decided to go for food afterwards.
Here is a picture of us all smarted up to go see Spamalot in the Millennium stadium, Cardiff:
And here is how close we were near the stage:
We were in the second row!!!! And oh my friggin GOD of all things bright and beautiful was it good, amazing, awesome, brilliant, spectacular and all other awesome words i cant come up with now because every time i speak of this show all the words in my head seem to disappear and silent awedness comes out.
It was definitely one of the most amazing thing i had ever seen in my short life! My face, hands and throat was hurting so much by the end of the night because of the laughter, cheers and clapping that happened in that two hours - finished so soon, i wanted to see it again instantly after it finished! i hope i do!
Then to capitalize on an already awesome night, we went to GBK (there are other restaurants but we chose this one) for a nice big burger and a glass of Rose for me!!!
Perfect!
In the morning Thomas regaled at his many many presents and his birthday cake before we met up with our friends in Cardiff for a spot of shopping and to go see SCOTT PILGRIM in the cinema- which was also the awesomeness of aw some! - and then we went to Wagamammas for some noodles before sitting on the sofa at home in pajamas with a few glasses of champagne! awesome day as well i think!
But no the festivities didn't end there! we went to Cardiff with Thomas' mum intending to go see Toy story 3 again but everyone else had the same idea on a bank holiday Monday so we ended up staying at the bay where there was a food festival going on - I got Chips on a stick!!!! it was awesome.....wish i had taken a pic though....
It was really good as there was all these different nationalities presenting their national dishes and they were all really nice, i didn't get to try the hog roast or the Ostrich burger though....
WASPS!!!!!! They were Everywhere that day! intending to kill me whilst i was having fun in the blazing sunshine revelling on chips on a stick (yes Chips on a stick!!!). Damn them! damn them all to heck!!
They caused me to have a pa nick attack and a mental breakdown at the place we were having food.....one minute i was staring intently at one irritating a guy at the other table and the next i was sobbing, snorting sobbing onto TAGs shoulder....i couldn't breathe and i was shaking so much. i felt ashamed and embarrassed and horrified at what i had just done. Frikin hate them!
Next day on our travells we met up with Big tom and HB Sauce in Cardiff for Sushi!! it was the first time me and Tag tried it, we don't particularly like fish, never mind the raw kind u see but we went to try. We mostly got noodles and chicken! but we did try a sushi with chicken in it, tag liked it better than i did but i liked it all the same. and i chose the pudding - it was colourful! but it was weird....say no more.....
And so now do u see why we needed a good day of just slobbering around doing nothing? we deserve it don't we??
Uni starts back in a few short weeks!!! YAY!! cant wait to decorate my room!
Loves =^.^=
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