Hey (if anybody really reads this!)
Wel im sorry i havent written in a while. and it has been a long while its just i have been so caught up in life and university that i couldnt just stop and write all those jumbling thoughts in my head.
So ive finished Uni now and weve got a flat and i have a job, in H Samuels wich is a surprise, and so now its life without uni. Its strange, ive been ill with the amount of stress ive been under what with getting jobs, getting a flat for me and Tom and finishing all the work ive had to do and then worring why ive been feeling sick, nauseous and dizzy with headaches and its because ive been under a lot of stress and my body just needed to have a rest.
People keep going on that i havent really done anything which annoys me because i have been doing so much these past few months and they arent in my body and mind that worries about everything, and i mean everything. everybody copes with stress diferently, just because it doesnt happen to you deosnt mean it doesnt happen to anybody.
So everything was looking up, we got a flat - got jobs - finished Uni - ready to graduate.
But i knew something bad would happen soon and it did.
My nain (nan, grandma whatever you call yours) is really really ill in hospital. shes had a brain hemorrage and i cant help but look up all i can on it but i dnt know enough yet to know what kind of one she had. shes under sadation right now aftre her surgery and shes been stable all night so shes getting another scan today to see how she is. its frustrating because it was so out of the blue and i live 4 hours away and mums telling me not to come up because id just be waiting around. i feel hopeless, but then again i would probably feel hopeless being there too. I can help but feel for taid and my mum. i dont know how to comfort them.
One of my fears is that nain would wake up and not know who everyone is and she hates hospitals anyway so she would be confused and i dont want to see that with nain. i mean you never really know how you deal with this kind of thing till it happens, and me being as nieve as i am i didnt think that this would happen to my nain. shes so strong and kind and wonderful, shes my nain. i wouldnt be able to cope with that.
All i can do is wait, keep positive and keep busy. I feel guilty though as weve just had the keys to our flat yesterday, so im excited about that so i feel guilty for feeling happy and trying not to think about it. im sure she wouldnt like me to do that though....she always wanted the best for me.
Caru chdi nain, Paid a dario mynd ok! fydda chdi yn ok!
